


needing / getting

by antpelts



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Depression, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Making Up, Mental Health Issues, Michael Mell Has ADHD, Multilingual Character, Multilingual Michael Mell, Post-Canon, Road Trips, Slow Burn, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24486478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antpelts/pseuds/antpelts
Summary: “Wait, wait, wait,” Jeremy sat up a bit straighter, phone pressed close to his ear. “Did I hear that right? Y-You want me to go with you?”“I mean, yeah,” Michael shrugged, twirling one of his hoodie strings around a finger, sprawled out on his bed. Despite the heat he kept his hoodie on, though he’d kicked his jeans off in an attempt to keep cool. Even with air conditioning the basement could get insufferably hot, or disgustingly cold in the winter months. “You’re my friend. Best friend. Besides, I don’t think I’d trust anyone else to come with. I mean, love Rich to death but he can get kinda crazy, I don’t think I could sit in a car with him.”// the one where michael and jeremy drive across country to meet michaels birth parents
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	needing / getting

**Author's Note:**

> im not immune to boyf riends road trip aus..........  
> title is from needing/getting by ok go

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jeremy sat up a bit straighter, phone pressed close to his ear. “Did I hear that right? Y-You want me to go with you?”

“I mean, yeah,” Michael shrugged, twirling one of his hoodie strings around a finger, sprawled out on his bed. Despite the heat he kept his hoodie on, though he’d kicked his jeans off in an attempt to keep cool. Even with air conditioning the basement could get insufferably hot, or disgustingly cold in the winter months. “You’re my friend. Best friend. Besides, I don’t think I’d trust anyone else to come with. I mean, love Rich to death but he can get kinda crazy, I don’t think I could sit in a car with him.”

“You trust me?” Jeremy’s voice nearly broke and he rubbed at his face once he realized it slipped out.

“Working on it.” There was a short chuckle, though there was a new tenseness over the line. “But.. yeah. After, what, 13 years now? Almost 14. I thought this could.. maybe be good for us?”

“Uh, y-yeah. Of course, Micha. Of course I’ll go.” There was a slight rustling as Jeremy sat up, running fingers through his mess of hair. “I gotta talk to my dad, but he’s happy we’re talking more again, I’m sure he’d be alright with it. So h-how did this, uh.. all, like, come up?”

“Eh,” Michael shrugged, rolling until he was on his side. Jeremy heard a soft wheeze come from him as he moved. “I mean.. I’ve thought about it before but now we have the time? Besides, we didn’t take a senior trip. I thought it might be fun? I just, you know, can’t help but be a little curious. I love my moms to death but..”

Jeremy hummed in acknowledgement, though he kept his mouth shut because he really  _ didn’t  _ understand. The least he could do was listen.

“Maybe I’m too curious for my own good.” Michael heaved a short sigh, rubbing at his face under his glasses.

“No!” Jeremy jolted a bit, shrinking back with a nervousness Michael, of course, couldn’t see. “I mean.. I, uh. I don’t think it’s weird.. to want to know. I think it’s pretty natural. To want to know, I mean.”

Michael made a thoughtful noise, pulling off his glasses and setting them on the nightstand. As he settled back down he stifled a short cough.

“So.. of course I’ll go. I’m gonna be there for you. So, no matter what happens it’ll be fine. I’ll be with you.” There was a slight waver to Jeremy’s voice and Michael knew the promise extended beyond this one trip.

“Thanks, Jer.” He couldn’t help but smile a bit, letting his eyes droop shut.

“Of course. I, uh, anything. I’m gonna be there for you no matter what. I should have always been.”

All Jeremy was met with was the sound of slow, even breathing.

* * *

“So where are we going?” Jeremy crossed his legs where he sat on his bed, watching Michael aimlessly pace across the room.

“Oregon. Portland, specifically.”

“Holy shit dude. Coast to coast,” Jeremy flopped back onto his bed, something akin to awe on his voice.

Michael winced, reading something closer to frustration or resignation in the words. His hands quickly moved to rub at his arms, trying to ground himself and keep his emotions in check. All he could do was try to remind himself of how much he was expecting, of how it didn’t mean that Jeremy hated him even if it was overwhelming. It  _ was  _ a long ways to go and-

“S-Sorry, man.” Jeremy popped up, rubbing his sweaty palms onto his shorts. He gave the most reassuring smile he could. “I didn’t mean to sound.. yeah. That’s just crazy.”

“I know.” Michael swallowed thickly, letting his shoulders relax. “Crazy that I ended up in New Jersey, huh?”

There was a shaky laugh before Michael seemed to finally slip back into his usual self, giving Jeremy a crooked smile.

“Well I’m glad you did.” Jeremy pushed himself up so he could stand, crossing the room to drop onto his bean bag chair. 

“Me too.”

There was a comfortable silence between them, contrasting the awkward moments they’d felt for months after the junior year play. It took a few months before they could even hold a conversation without erupting into pent up feelings borne out of a lack of understanding each other, truly. Once everything was out in the open they were able to take some steps towards healing, towards understanding. They really weren’t as similar as they had led themselves to believe and it took some unlearning.

“Apocalypse of the Damned?” Jeremy looked up from where he sat, something hopeful in his eyes.

It took unlearning and relearning. It took careful navigation and consideration. It took boundaries.

“Hell yeah, man.” Michael spun where he stood to face the TV, pressing the power button before he crouched down to retrieve their controllers. There was a bit of a flourish to his movements. That was like the Michael he knew, comfortable and at least a little confident. Clearing his throat he took a deep breath before setting up the game, giving a soft wheeze as he dropped into the chair next to Jeremy’s.

It was slow.

But it was worth it.

* * *

“Please tell me you’re already packed.” The silence on the line was enough of an answer and Jeremy sputtered out an exasperated noise. “Michael! It’s like.. already ten pm! We have to leave at, like, a decent time.”

“I’m packing right now!” There was some poorly stifled laughter in his voice that Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at fondly. Sure enough his voice was far-off, on speakerphone while he shoved clothes into a bag. “You know my process.”

“I do.”

Michael couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips, glancing fondly at his phone before turning back to his bag. As he zipped it up he headed over to his bed, picking up his phone and hitting the button to switch over to video call. Jeremy accepted quickly, his face was only lit up by his phone screen - the light glinted off his braces as he smiled.

“This is crazy,” Michael mumbled, flopping onto his bed as he held his phone above himself. The quick movement made his breath catch so he paused, puffing out a slow sigh.

“Good crazy?”

“I think so.” After a moment of contemplation Michael rolled back out of bed, flipping his overhead light off and his bedside light on. It was just enough light for his face to still be lit up enough to show up on the video feed as he laid back down. Slower this time. “I just don’t know what to expect. I guess.. I just want to know where I came from.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy mumbled. His hair flopped over his face as he rolled onto his side, cheek squished against the pillow. “If anything it’s a reason to finally go on a road trip.”

“Hell yeah, man.” Michael’s lips quirked into a grin as he tossed his glasses onto the nightstand. They’d talked about going on a road trip since middle school and at some point they both silently gave up on that dream. Until now.

“Do we have stops planned or is this like a winging it thing?” Jeremy’s eyes darted around a bit, taking in the details of Michael’s face, watching his expression light up.

“Do you wanna plan shit?” Michael turned away, burying his face in his sleeve to stifle a cough. “Or do you want to wing it?”

“I don’t want to lock into anything, I guess,” Jeremy tipped his head with a partial shrug, “but the aimlessness makes me kinda anxious?”

“Okay, we can find something in between that.” Michael relaxed back against his pillows, giving a soft smile. “Take it a few days at a time? Look up where we’ll pass through and make some last minute plans?”

“I like the sound of that,” Jeremy said quietly, expression softening. They were quiet for a moment, taking in each other’s presence. “I.. so do you know anything about your dad?”

“Not really? They gave me up when I was really young,” Michael scrunched up his face, rolling over onto his side. “I think they were young. Too young for a kid. Kinda crazy they’re still together, though. I sorta assumed they wouldn’t have stayed together after the whole..” Giving up their child.

“They?”

“Yes..?” Michael’s brows drew together. “My.. birth parents?”

“Holy fucking shit,” Jeremy wheezed out something akin to a laugh, one of his hands moving to rub at his face. His eyes scrunched up around the corners as giggles fell from his lips. “Wait, holy fuck.”

“Did you forget I was adopted or some shit?” Michael couldn’t help his own short laugh.

“No!” Jeremy’s voice was practically a squeak and he took a breath, trying to keep quiet so he wouldn’t wake his dad. “I thought your mom was like.. your birth mom? Since she’s also Filipino.”

“Damn,” Michael shook his head, putting on a mock serious expression, “so you think we all look alike.”

“Ah, uh, no!” Jeremy scrambled, sitting up a bit in his bed, panic flashing over his face. Once Michael erupted into laughter Jeremy felt himself relax. “Asshole. I’ve never even met them, how would I know what they look like. I just know you’re Filipino and just assumed? It’s crazy your mom’s also Filipino though, by chance.”

“I know, I know,” Michael wheezed out a few coughs as he recovered from his laughing fit. “That look you get on your face is so funny though, dude.”

“You s-suck,” Jeremy snorted, his smile causing his eyes to crinkle at the corners.

“You love it, though.”

Jeremy just rolled his eyes, breathing out a few last laughs.

* * *

Michael watched Jeremy approach his car, bag slung over his shoulder. For a moment he weighed the pros and cons of honking his horn. Two years ago he wouldn’t hesitate but he faltered, there was a newer, deeper, anxiety almost always present in Jeremy. He could almost see it in his eyes most days. There was no need to put him under unnecessary stress, so he kept his hands in his lap. In his mirror he watched Jeremy walk around the car, throwing his bag in the back seat before moving back to the passenger door. 

“Hey.” They met eyes and Jeremy flashed him a grin as he buckled his seatbelt.

“Suh, dude.”

Jeremy was barely able to stifle his giggle, rolling his eyes as he adjusted the passenger seat to sit up more.

“Why does Rich lean this back so far?”

“Dude, he is an enigma that I’ll never fully understand. Also he is a maniac who will fall asleep on the drive home from school, he knocks out, like, instantly and sleeps for the whopping fifteen minutes home.” Michael shook his head fondly, putting the car in reverse to pull out of Jeremy’s driveway. “Maps is up on my phone, if you wanna see the route it’s taking us.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jeremy reach for his phone, scrolling around on the map to look at the route. He pulled out his own phone and Michael was sure he was going to start searching locations and places to stop. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, exiting onto the highway to start their westward drive. Maybe they weren’t as similar as they had previously thought, but that didn’t have to be bad. Michael’s lack of planning was balanced by Jeremy’s almost overbearing worry and need to create plans.

“How.. long do you wanna drive?” Jeremy glanced up from the phones. With his hands occupied he tried to blow his hair away from his eyes where it had fallen.

“Hm. I’d say eight hours is the hard limit.” Michael tilted his head in thought before giving another nod. “Yeah. Less would be nice but I also want to make some good headway.”

“Alright,” Jeremy mumbled, nodding to himself as he set Michael’s phone down to tap something in on his own phone. “We could swing through Cleveland? It’s the biggest city on the route under eight hours away.” There was a brief pause before Jeremy lifted his head, offering up an awkward laugh, “I.. if you want. I’m just throwing some metaphorical darts at a board right now.”

“Yeah, I don’t really care, man. Especially now, first day. We can plan a little more once we, like, get a hotel room if it makes you feel better.” Michael spared a glance his way, but Jeremy had already dropped his gaze back down to his phone. “You know me. I won’t be too bothered if the most we do is grab dinner somewhere.”

Sure, an arcade trip or something would be fun but the whole trip was already planting a ball of stress in his chest. He tried to force it down, not wanting to be weighed down with any dread. Missing out on a few crowds and social situations for the comfort of a hotel bed didn’t worry him too much. Besides, it was a long drive and they should probably focus on that. Maybe they could have a bit more fun on the way home. 

That seemed to be sufficient enough for Jeremy, he just switched the maps route to take them straight to Cleveland. Just over seven hours. Brushing some hair away from his face he set Michael’s phone back on its stand on the dashboard, “we’re gonna get there at like.. eight.. ish?”

“Got it, chief,” Michael kept his eyes on the road as he spoke, giving a mock two finger salute. If Jeremy looked back up he would’ve seen the lopsided grin over his lips. 

Instead he scrolled through search results, looking at things to do and places to eat, even if some part of him knew they’d probably just get fast food and veg out on the hotel bed. It was nice to think about things though, besides, searching gave himself something to focus on. Meanwhile, Michael leaned over to turn up the radio. Two years ago they would’ve found words to fill the space, or they would have at least belted out some lyrics together.

They weren’t the same people they were two years ago, though. They weren’t the same people they were even a year ago. Sometimes Michael had to remind himself that was a good thing. Their changes were for the better, he knew they were. But sometimes it still just felt weird, like they weren’t exactly sure of each other. Maybe he was just used to Jeremy knowing who he was better than he knew himself. Maybe he just needed to brush past that, to realize it was okay to still be figuring each other out all over again. 

They were friends, best friends, despite it all. 

Michael decided that was good enough, he could be happy just with Jeremy at his side. A glance confirmed this. The ball of stress in his chest seemed to shrink a bit, letting him pull in a deep breath. It wasn’t just good  _ enough,  _ it was good. Plain and simple, no catch. He was happy, even if things weren’t always perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments mean the world <3


End file.
